shingles!

1 week plus now..
all plans have been put on hold.
completed the 10day course of antivirals
blisters starting to heal pretty good

BUT

THERE IS NO GETTING USED TO THIS KIND OF PAIN
paracetemol don't cut it
diclofenac worked for a day or so..

now i understand why people who experience chronic nerve pain after shingles get depressed.

endless

and i thought endless PT was bad.


having second thoughts about putting PT (Physical Training) as my religion just for kicks :P
never felt this weak, well at least, since 'auditions'.
btw, i'm blaming the throat infection and the sprained neck this time..


nevertheless, endless is not a bad thing when you're talking about God.


Your love never fails, never gives up on me.

purpose

is not something that can be 'achieved' so to speak.
because if it is something that is to be achieved,
once you have accomplished it, there would be no more purpose.
it is like an aimless chasing of the wind.


instead, it should be a pursuit. the fulfillment not in the catch, but in the chase.
again, not some flight of fancy or pursuing your interests, but a meaningful search..
let's not kid ourselves and settle for less..


we're intelligent beings, made in the image of God. not made to be mediocre.
there is nothing average about you. You, me, everyone was made for excellence.
not just in the big things, but in the small things.


btw, i used to hate that phrase.
i thought it's just a lame motivator for ppl who, not daring to give you the opportunity, hand you the lame, inglorious menial tasks.


excelling in spite of adversity.
by doing exceedingly well in the face of opposition
now that is excellence. excellence which purposeless people find threatening.
too radical. they feel it puts them down.


notice that kids always fight over who wants to be the hero, the smart, cool person?
no one wants to be the ugly duckling, the outcast.
same thing here.


you say you're ok with mediocre, but get angry when you're put down.
deep inside you know you're not mediocre. so don't be.


i'm not being demanding, you're just being too lenient with yourself.

paradise

here i am stuck indoors when the weather is awesome today.
dreaming of paradise..

enough

almost got me.. aha. nice try.
very impressed with the build up, sneaky and very well co-ordinated.
too bad the game is up. well actually.. thankfully, it is by grace.
i was blind but now i see.
time to focus on the important things.


my strength in life is, i am yours
my soul delights 'cos i am yours
you will on earth is all i'm living for


you are my heart's desire,
i live to know you more.


and that is enough.

everyday is a reminder

can't move. it starts to get dark. stuck in the mud, AGAIN.. and it's like, okaay 

i really don't have time for this... REALLY. 
okok i hear you. thanks for the gentle reminder, i know that i'm not home.. 
so yeahh okaay cool... 

actually, it's so totally NOT cool. like this is THE limit. i'm done. i tap out. 
i don't wanna do this. let's go home. think i've seen enough. 
it really is quite a sickening, incapacitating feeling.

i mean.. after all,

i wasn't made for here.

homesick.