hold your own

shit man. i always get a kick out of it when i login. wahahahahah. maybe i've really become a tool, 'cos i'm quite certain there's a way to change stuff, but i somehow can't figure out how. sometimes there are certain days where the grey matter between your ears lose their game, know what i mean? it's like you do really stupid stuff which you'd ordinarily not do, or do differently. but yeah. maybe it's just me. hah. so to hell with the rest of that shit and just remember, no matter what, you gotta hold your own.

go figure

circa'05

yikes, it has really been quite awhile. but yeah, finally getting this out. original composition, guess it's about time.

it's been a pimpin new year!

pimpling actually. but yeah. good to have at least a nice long weekend before the madness begins. not even sure when i'll be out next. trying not to think about it, just taking it step by step. only thing is i hope i don't miss out on the big picture.

the love show.

somebody's hurting letting it all in... but the truth is letting the love show. some things can't be changed. no matter how hard you try. it sux. but oh well. i guess it's a matter of time.

gone, going, gone everything.

hit the skatepark after dinner and just went crazy, especially with all the new stuff set up. it was a blast. then got stood up by sunny, so i decided to cruise around to all the old haunts and places where i used to mess around on me bike. and damn! they're all gone, or no longer playable, or someone else is already hanging out there.

never thought i'd be sentimental about this kinda thing

time and tide really waits for no man.

28 days and 4 months

man.. it's gonna be one loooooooong civilian conversion course. no matter how you look, it reeks of a bad deal. let's not even talk about the off days owed that will never be cleared. or the leave that will be given on days without my say. just look at the work schedule. 

First up, a very nice course they call ISPC. Actually, it's my guys who are on course, but somehow i end up doing most everything my guys do. Having passed the course myself, i still find that it does not count for much, especially with the high attrition nature of the course. i guess you can say that it's not one of the 'sure pass' kinda course, after all, we are training third-class special forces. Then, with whoever is still left with me, we're off to a land of sultans, oil, animism, seven knolls, rain at four, leeches and the beloved swamp walk. 

So after the 2 week jaunt in the woods, it's back to singapore. just in time for a nice thing called 'wait to rush, rush to wait'. okay, actually there's an official and much better sounding name, but if i don't think it's wise to let the whole world know. anyways, it just means that i can't book out.. for how long? nobody seems to know. very nice.

And then, after the confinement in the name of national security, it's off to the land of jay chou, betel nut girls and very efficient ninja vans. 'wah by then liddat, you can smell your ord loh!' unfortunately, my nose will be blocked by the grease of treachery and the fragrance of ord will be barely discernible. my understudy will still be training to be a third-class SF, so i can't hand over. but don't get me wrong, i love going outfield and doing the stuff that we do.. it's just that there's so much crap in the peripheral to contend with.

and then i have to contend with:

so, what are you doing after you ord?

i dunno man. but i agree with them beastie boys,

you gotta fight, for your right, to paartay!

why do you drink?

i looked for the answer, but it wasn't at the bottom of the bottle. hahah. seriously. i have to stop.
but you know....after a week of feeding mozzies, shooting at imaginary enemies, shouting yourself hoarse, whilst lugging up to 40kg of heavy shit around for a week, all i could think of was that ice cold whiskey coke. totally uncool.

it's true, AA is for quitters