i so do not need this

like from you guys of all people? seriously? like only when i make it then you say to me,

ohhh we're so proud of you.. blah blah, never doubted you.. yadda yadda.. my foot!

it's times like these where i just wanna give it to you and say:

told you so..

but to all the detractors and haters, doubters and sitting on the fence people, i'm just gonna let it slide.. not because i don't suffer fools. but simply because, you were right.

i could not, and would not have done it, without God.

now if you'll excuse me,

i have unfinished business to attend to..

impossible is not a word

it's just a reason not to try. however, willingness is nothing without effort. and of course unless the good Lord blesses, the workers labour in vain. but seriously.. sometimes it is a real pain trying to figure out what is lacking. interest? effort? or my vision was wrong in the first place?

or is it all just me trying to reason it out? 'impossible' in another form? i know some people are good at casting vision and setting goals, whilst others are expert at making those goals happen. but was the vision correct in the first place? sometimes, there can be no peace with questions like these.. then there's nothing more to say but, like that lor..

whatever the case, you're not gonna find me lacking in willingness or effort. and then you gotta go drop the "obedience is better than sacrifice" bomb.. but doesn't obedience require sacrifice? okok, now i see why i still can't contextualize (see contextualies hahah). it's true,

sometimes it's easier to be right and so much harder to be wrong

reflections..

are laterally inverted FYI. ok still as lame as ever. just putting down some things that i've been mulling over of late..

how is it that it is sooo difficult to process your application to an organisation that supposedly needs people? of which, former employees often discourage me from signing up.. despite them knowing that it is my dream job..

how long does it take to recover from laryngitis? seriously man.. this is taking forever and i'm fearing the damage is permanent.. the novelty of being 'rocker' sounding is beginning to wear off.

what's new about news when you've already suspected it to be true all along? are we just looking for some sort of vindication? or affirmation?

why the hell does my shoulder still ache? can i pop it out and then put it back properly?

Happy New Year.

serious okaay..

yeah. it's getting serious. i'm beginning to grasp the full extent of what it means to fight to maintain your freedom. plus, taking every thought captive, is no mean feat when you've got a fantastic imagination like mine. but nevertheless, through the trials and changes, One thing remains.. of which sometimes, i neglect to be thankful for.

Sometimes you only want to 'hear' the things you want to hear... and only 'see' the things you wanna see. but ultimately, there's only one Boss with a plan.. The Plan. perhaps i've been listening to 'the misinformation' for too long... accepting it in my ignorance. alas, the fiery darts have somehow upgraded into incendiary bombs. i guess i should console myself that i've levelled up? funny how easily i am discouraged by the present and forget about your faithfulness.. in some sort of weird sense, i think the only way forward is looking back. makes sense?

oh well, go figure.

keeping still.

and staying focused is so hard to do when you mind's entertaining doubts. or when your heart's racing. i know, i know, i spoke too soon. Just as i said i wasn't worried, the fiery arrows of doubt whistled in and ignited. classic man. i even began to doubt whether i even sent in my application. champion right? i just wanted to confirm everything.. like now. like geez, stop being such a tease man. i could always call up people, who would know someone on the inside... but the Word came through.. and i think (i say think because i don't wanna do it) it is to wait. suddenly that stupid hymn in the school hymn book makes sense now.

trust and obey.

yeah. you stutterin.

uh-huh. guilty as charged ma'am. geez. man. how is it that i feel guilty about neglecting spank, but not when i don't do qt? serious warped values there man. yikes. ok on a more serious note. finally done with the job. time really flies and i've still not got a job.......yet. hahah. not really worried about my next step 'cos it's pretty clear to me. enjoying waking up late again. think i just might revive Operation Get-Big again. and regular quality qt. there. said it. so i guess that's a commitment huh?

can't stutter when you type yeah? :P

wassup!