running around to chase the wind

may sound like fun to kids. good exercise perhaps. 


another day has passed you by. another fork in the road. 
you are trying to move on, but you cannot bear the load.


with hindsight, it is obvious, the load is not ours to carry. 
we are quick to forget the giver, instead focusing on the gifts.
trying to do so much on our own, trying to do what (we think) is right..


the best medicine is often bitter and hard to swallow.
obedience is better than sacrifice.
oh great now i'm writing cryptically.. i am really getting old.

whatever is true..

whatever is noble, right, pure, lovely, whatever is admirable...

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

i guess every once in awhile, i still catch myself worrying about things of this infuriating world. things which, we're oft told, are admirable, of value and therefore of utmost importance... only one small teeny little problem. i think we like to take all things spiritual and unexplainable out of the equation. we chase after the gifts and not the giver. we rationalize that it's ok because everyone else is chasing after these things. we grossly misplace our faith in achievements, possessions, relationships.

see the things we look up to as 'ideals', like things that are noble, right, pure, etc.. are called so, simply because it is impossible to fully uphold such values in a fallen world on our own effort. ever get told off for being too idealistic? nothing wrong, sometimes as citizens of heaven, we make 'lousy' citizens of earth.

i'm no model citizen myself. but i think the key is to recognize when i'm chasing after the wrong things and to refocus on the right stuff. plus, when nothing seems to be going right, remembering the admirable, excellent and praiseworthy things certainly helps.. 

instead of mulling over the present short-comings.

the road to hendon

they gave you the end, but not the how..

or rather, i did. i'll give you the end instead. hendon or bust man.

aaand so, the wait begins.

so what if i'm an intelligent, fit young man?

so what if my Certificate of Service said that my conduct & performance was 'outstanding' ?

so what if it's my dream job?

so what if it'll require me to sacrifice time with loved ones?

so what if you're making me go one big round to get to where i want to?

so what if i missed selection? i'll just go for the next one.

now if you desk jockeys would just giddy up and get on the ball.

seriously man, how is it that i'm still stuck with:

first in, last out -.-

yes

there definitely is a place for positive reinforcement.

everyday i see my dream.

yes, it's on and poppin

yes, the party's rockin

yes, the cuties jockin

and there ain't no stoppin

c'mon now

stop being such a tease man. don't be giving me that look now. seriously. i know it takes a special kind of... well, i think the correct word would be, psycho. i mean, seriously guys i see it in your eyes. i don't need a 'challenge'.. geez. that's for self-absorbed losers. psycho isn't quite far off. Like how many people are you gonna find, like me, who'll accept 'normal' as going up in a plane and not coming down in one?

in fact, you know what? what's really 'challenging' me is the absurd amount of bureaucracy and referrals, bouncing me from place to place. not to mention the forms (we somehow never agree). somehow, i sense that the level of interest isn't anywhere near mine.

now why would a highly motivated individual be made to feel like that?

i know it won't be too long..

in the whisper of the wind's soft lullaby, in the laughter and the roar of the rushing tide.. i hear you.

i don't care how outdated i am, i still think this song is fantastic. i know i don't really like homegrown musicians, but yeah.. trust is certainly a priceless commodity in these times. i mean, you do know that you can't go on forever guarding [what you think is] your own turf, relying on your wit and guile to out-guess others. certainly that is not living. but then again, on the other hand, you don't wanna look like the gullible idiot who fell for it.. so much for not passing judgement eh? hahah. some people say any decision is better than no decision, but i'm not completely convinced..

the response is definitely key.

so i'll give you my heart and my song..

in a world where so much is right, but so much is wrong

your love is my beginning and i know it won't be too long

till i see you,

till i hear you...

i so do not need this

like from you guys of all people? seriously? like only when i make it then you say to me,

ohhh we're so proud of you.. blah blah, never doubted you.. yadda yadda.. my foot!

it's times like these where i just wanna give it to you and say:

told you so..

but to all the detractors and haters, doubters and sitting on the fence people, i'm just gonna let it slide.. not because i don't suffer fools. but simply because, you were right.

i could not, and would not have done it, without God.

now if you'll excuse me,

i have unfinished business to attend to..