i think i'm done?

we got our advance pay. everyone's going out to party. the guys jio-ed me to join them. strangely thankfully, not interested. i guess this is good. hahhah. 


been trying to work on my thought life this week... esp since last week's lesson. somehow when you resolve to do something, at the time, i seems relatively easy to achieve. however, once the week starts, in the thick of it, somehow, it becomes particularly testing.


i guess it's good to keep growing.
your limits grow too.


but don't push it punks

you call

i heard you. i hear you still.. i know the paths are many, many look better than the one you're pointing out. at least they look that way to me. in my perverse rebellion, other options suddenly seem better than your choice.. it– the road, looks dangerous, slippery, dark and seems to be headed in the wrong direction.


but i hear your call. i know there's only one choice. 
i fix my eyes upon the prize, my head will not turn from it, neither to the left nor the right.


let's go!

His heart

slippery slopes

"we have grown in numbers, wealth, and power.. We have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. We have become too self-sufficient... too proud to pray to the God that made us!"


- sounds familiar? too familiar in fact. 
a bit of a conundrum really..

ah hah!

ok lightbulb moment... well, to be more exact, closer to vindication i would say. i knew there was something amiss.. just couldn't quite put my finger on it. you know the feeling right? it's like so close, it's just beyond your nose, but it's dark, so you can't see it. and then the lights (hence lightbulb moment) come on and...


ah hah!

running around to chase the wind

may sound like fun to kids. good exercise perhaps. 


another day has passed you by. another fork in the road. 
you are trying to move on, but you cannot bear the load.


with hindsight, it is obvious, the load is not ours to carry. 
we are quick to forget the giver, instead focusing on the gifts.
trying to do so much on our own, trying to do what (we think) is right..


the best medicine is often bitter and hard to swallow.
obedience is better than sacrifice.
oh great now i'm writing cryptically.. i am really getting old.

whatever is true..

whatever is noble, right, pure, lovely, whatever is admirable...

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

i guess every once in awhile, i still catch myself worrying about things of this infuriating world. things which, we're oft told, are admirable, of value and therefore of utmost importance... only one small teeny little problem. i think we like to take all things spiritual and unexplainable out of the equation. we chase after the gifts and not the giver. we rationalize that it's ok because everyone else is chasing after these things. we grossly misplace our faith in achievements, possessions, relationships.

see the things we look up to as 'ideals', like things that are noble, right, pure, etc.. are called so, simply because it is impossible to fully uphold such values in a fallen world on our own effort. ever get told off for being too idealistic? nothing wrong, sometimes as citizens of heaven, we make 'lousy' citizens of earth.

i'm no model citizen myself. but i think the key is to recognize when i'm chasing after the wrong things and to refocus on the right stuff. plus, when nothing seems to be going right, remembering the admirable, excellent and praiseworthy things certainly helps.. 

instead of mulling over the present short-comings.