she's the kind girl boys read about in magazines..

She is the one i see in my dreams.. Time's running out, gotta do it now.. She's the one i cannot live without.. yeah...

i'm ready to go in a minute, screw the mp3, there's no need for music.. out we go, and we're off into the cool night air.. smells of wet vegetation and a hint of burnt plastic.. it's quiet except for hadley purring away in the back, no obstacle insurmountable for us, as we cruise down the empty streets. all things become startlingly clear.. why didn't i come out earlier? wouldn't it be the same? doesn't matter what others say, i know her heart's cold as steel and she's got expensive taste.. and then there's that german heritage.. but hey..

you only get one shot, so make it count..

You might never get this moment again

the clock is ticking down it's the final round..

so tell me what is it that's stopping you now?

You never know unless you try

you'll only regret, sit and wonder at night..

rest? what rest?

after the mega crunch time, which lasted 2 months, and culminated in the surprisingly quick Final Assessment, i found myself going to school almost everyday.. ok, fine. let's get this Grad Show done properly. after running around like headless chickens getting the collaterals in place, blowing a GST rebate equivalent on display stuff and sitting in the freezing gallery every other day.. church camp! ah-hah! finally sometime to rest.....wrong!

i'm still pretty miffed that i missed the BSX race and was instead stuck in some monstrous 8hour jam on the NS highway.. anyway i think taking the coach is a bad way to start off a church camp. if you would just entertain my theory for a bit, i think will start to make sense. after spending 8hours sitting, eating, going to the toilet, and then sleeping, you'd be quite conditioned and inclined to do the same things, in the same order when you do arrive at camp.. something to do with pavlov's conditioning, conditioner or shampoo.. i dunno. end of the day, one thing i did learn from the camp is that i definitely cannot work in an air-conditioned environment for an extended period... why? because i fell sick..

so after a not-exactly restful camp, there was a brief respite, a day,where i thought i had beaten the flu/cold/bunged-up nose thing.. how did i spend it? i did a bit of driving (noticed i left out the lesson, 'cos i learned nothing), rushed down to school to get results which i already knew and it was all downhill from there.. flu came back with a vengeance..

somehow the fruit of my labor is not rest.. but more work. okok, not work per se.. 'cos they all don't pay.. which brings me to my last and somehow most frequent pet peeve.. money (or rather the lack of).. when told of my grades, my grandmother said that it was better news than striking 4D.. i don't mean to be rude but, i'd rather strike 4D now.. seriously. $4 seems to be quite a sum to me now.. don't get me wrong.. i am grateful that the $6.66 in my bank account has generated some interest and now my balance is up a dollar! not sure how i generated so much interest in a year.. but not much use to me if i can't withdraw it.. atms don't dispense coins the last time i checked.

it's quite ironic. on paper, i should have loads of time for rest. but in reality, these 'rest' periods just make the work snowball. and unfortunately, not the paying kind of work. and all these trips, just makes it hard to get a job, even a part-time one..

the system is broke.. IRs, CPF and GST rebates will not fix it.

the reason of doubt..?!??

the question is.. is it really beyond reasonable doubt? what if even the fundamentals can't be agreed on? the context? somehow we don't seem to do any conviction studies anymore.. curious innit?

are we not trusted to draw up our own conclusions or will our final convictions scare us?