live to die another day.

someone once said, 

the first step towards realising your dreams is to wake up first. 

which seems to be a problem 'cos i'm like on GMT, not GMT+7 which i'm supposed to be on. i spent 2 hours staring at the ceiling last night and then i beat my mac at expert level chess, killed badass terrorists on AA, and only then could i sleep at a very unhealthy 4am. sleep like a log until i wake up feeling like i've slept 2hours only to realise that it's 1pm!

that aside, i just can't seem to stop thinking of the damned thesis and the implications for my final project. i guess the reluctance to put anything to print is because i don't wanna confirm things now. and yes, i know we do our best in the given time, but sometimes you really wonder if there's more which you could've done.

which brings me to the sad state of spankie. i think i need to take the old girl out for a ride and wash(reckon i've forgotten how to bunny-hop), but the unhealthy sleeping pattern seems to keep tripping these plans up.

man i miss the army. life was simple. and yes, it pays well. now i'm like some broke loser. digging for coins here and there just to get in the gym, take public transport. if i cab, then my budget is f@#*ed. 

funny how defending the 'way of life' turns out to be easier than living that 'way of life'.

FINALLY!

ordied! orded! 24 days late!

and all i get for the past 2 years of service is a Certificate signed by Ah Choon, a Service Transcript and a testimonial by Ah Keong. The testimonial is so full of glowing praise, mum said she reckoned i could use it to apply for a scholarship as long as they do not consider my grades :P)

But the transcript was the most insightful and amusing. According to it, i'm a C grade specialist. and a second-grade one when it comes to my vocation. i guess mum was right, me and the grades never seem to agree. thank goodness grades do not always have the final say... 

it was good while it lasted i guess. God's been really good and it's amazing that my NS experience turned out so well. so good to a point where i actually contemplated extending service.

well i guess that's it for now. no more booking out... for now.

so when does reservist start? :P

i got christmas without the presents because..

i did not get all the autographs. the wise men followed a different star and did not turn up. the shepherd took overseas leave and his sheep can't seem to get their act together. and yes, the angels did come to herald the glorious event, but christmas without a certain pink colored gift is just not... christmas.

dislocated.

fourth finger.. ring finger.. or whatever it's called.. on my left hand. grazed shoulder and knee. how? observe the pic on the banner at the top of this page. same place.. same clothes (says a lot about my wardrobe) and almost same position, except i landed sideways... i have no idea why i didn't bail. maybe it was because i just drew blood for a blood test. or maybe it was because that the blood that they were drawing outta my veins was thick, dark and slow flowing... yikes. anyways i guess the thick and slow flowing properties made the blood clot almost immediately. popped the finger back in and that was the end of my skatepark session.

at least my face didn't come to any grief this time.

good help is just so hard to find..

these days. somehow, somewhere in the 'production line', something is missing. maybe they took out certain 'processes'. or maybe the QC department is sleeping. i don't mean to sound arrogant, but they just don't produce specs like us anymore.

how did the benchmark fall so far? yes, i'm talking about my replacements, understudies. is the interest lacking somewhere? maybe, suddenly the price of freedom became too costly? you can't own what you can't defend. get that into your self-centered, immature brains. sometimes the very people you lead should be leading you.

well yes, perhaps you guys got the shorter end of the stick. maybe you weren't taught certain things. well don't expect to be spoon fed. no one seems remotely interested in stepping up, to the benchmark left behind by the seniors. all i hear is lip service as you all sit your proud incompetent arses down in your comfort zone.

i suppose we as seniors could have done more in the handing over. but it takes two hands to clap. if you are going to just let the good work from the first year go down the drain, i can do nothing. it is now your business. if you can't do it for yourselves, then at least you owe it to the guys to step up and lead.

 

you are only as strong as your weakest link.

questions, so many questions..

chillout man.. ice it. sometimes there is only so much you can talk about. why are you doing this? why you so stupid volunteer this kind of thing? i guess some people get it, and those that don't sometimes feel threatened that maybe, they're not getting something. geez chill man, no need to get insecure about it. seriously. get your own shit.

how about, i find it meaningful and i enjoy doing it? how about, i'd rather be training my guys, instead of pounding the pavement, burning holes in the ground? how about volunteering so that others don't have to? i guess if you don't wanna learn certain things now,

it's gonna hurt a whole lot more when you learn it later.

who gives a shit.

when you feel your heart's guarded, and you see the break's started. when the clouds have all departed. you'll be right here with me. and i won't give a shit what anyone else says. 'cos you'll be right here wit me. read whatever you want. outside and inbetween, inside out and outside in. and i won't give a shit. cos you'll be right here wit me.

all i needed was  a  call from between first and amistad.

just a little late.