merry christmas, need i say more?

my new uke!

from hawaii. the parents bought it back from their trip. so yeah. had to record another song. enjoy!

i can't believe i missed this.

and this or this. damn!

close your eyes. clear your heart.

cut the cord. shit man. is it really that easy? 

how do we just sever ties when paths no longer cross? when you change schools, when you change jobs, when you play a different sport, when you hang out at a different place. 

when you don't have the time(or energy) to do night rides.

i haven't hit the skatepark in ages. i miss the big air.

i missed B.Y.O.B!! argghhh!

i'm bouncing off the walls at home. i don't care how, but i'm going running (running? me? i can't believe i'm saying this) tomorrow morning. gotta keep in shape. all those static exercises just aren't doing it for me.

i cried?

i basically cried as she gazed intently into my eyes.

wahahahah. ok i exaggerate. i mean, it wasn't really crying, more of uncontrollable tearing as the eye doctor directed some sort of high powered light beam into my eyes, asking me to relax as she flips my eyelids upwards with some sort of mean looking mascara brush thing. at least she was hot. :P

so. hot eye doctors aside. i'm stuck at home and going nuts. can't watch tv for too long, according to the mum. can't sleep too much, according to the dad. 

thank goodness i got me new hawaiian uke!

there it goes

spelling AND grammar, right down the drain man. the errors just keep creeping into my posts. if this keeps up, i may just start spouting that singlish stuff and, come to think of it, i have begun to let slip the occasional hokkien exclamation or so. yikes.

tomorrow, passport and skatepark. then book in. what a spoiler.

and some people actually think i'm a 'regimental and disciplined person' 

wahahahahah. that's a nice one. 

perhaps. maybe. never.

it's been one hell(yes hell) of a week. whole lot of duties to do. plus i gotta step up my training if i ever want to get a gold. not sure how i'm gonna do that, since i'm kinda reluctant to commit to a fixed regimen. glad the weekend's finally here. 

i finally understand. it was my dream, not yours. 

i got you involved in this. how did i not see? how selfish of me. 

yeah that's why. never. never ever.

i remember when.

yes meant yes. and no meant no. i remember when the biggest thing going for us were exams, tests and assignments. taxi fares started from 2.40 and homework was done minutes from submission time. staying up through the night was the dopest shit and nothing was ever too "off" topic for discussion.

don't say you'll call back when i know you won't.

you can go wherever you like.

'cos iiiiiiiii loooooove the way i pretend not to care, when i do.. :P

waahahhahahah seriously. and judging from other people's actions, i think no one even catches on. 

looking back, my concerns of the past week are minute and immature. seriously, i can't believe all that was getting me down. of course, it would be nice and all if everything worked out.

give me your hand but realise i just wanna say goodbye.

please understand i have to leave and carry on with my own life.

i've nothing against you, but surely i'll miss you.

by request.

tight

yeah. that's the word. we used to be so tight. now it's just. weird.
it's my fault i got a fungal infection on my feet? wished i got charged?
you're no different from those self-righteous pricks who stoned the somali rape victim to death, for "adultery".
yeah go ahead. it's nice to know that these are the same people whom i've spent the better part of the past year with. i mean, if there's a problem, confront me. what's up with the sarcastic comments or just plain ignoring me.
goodness, i guess no one treasures things enough to want to work at it.. i don't like burning bridges. because, one day, there might be no more bridges left for you to cross.

infestation!

athlete's foot, sore eyes, what next? hope they don't throw me in quarantine. yikes.

as if that isn't bad enough, i'm getting bad vibes from the guys. it's just a hunch, but i think they think i'm faking it. which is not surprising. and saddening at the same time. oh well. i guess you can't please everybody.

i suppose it's good to have the extra rest. but i'd really like to be training. mixing it up with the guys again. the month away was fun, but lonely as well. well, yes, there were people around. but there's around and there's, well, around. am i making sense?

anyways, i do miss the weather, the terrain, the fresh air, the really affordable drinks, the friendly canteen girls :P but seriously, over there, even with little or no sleep, you'd always wake up fresh in the mornings. i could really use that. waking up fresh in the mornings, never been able to do that since i got back.

so long maestro, back to my good old cebu companion

ashes to ashes

dust to dust; when you lose your stuff, try not to cuss.. man this really stinks. stinks of betrayal, reeks of cover-up. 

'what really matters is that we're trying our best' 

wow, i couldn't tell. i don't mean to sound ungrateful, but surely you can try more? i'm sure that if, certain people lost their stuff together with the rest of us, then the outcome and reaction would be a whole lot different. 

imagine going to battle and then news come that your homeland has been ravaged and there is nothing left to go home to. then imagine being told to continue to fight. sometimes, i wonder how we can win, when fools can be kings.

of course in retrospect, it really takes something of this magnitude to get you thinking about what really, REALLY matters to you. Why do i seem unfazed by losing everything? is that supposed to be good? or am i taking things too lightly? on the other hand, why am i unhappy with the 'response'? am i just blaming others, 'cos there's no one to blame? perhaps.

at the same time, i'm forced to put down, in black and white, the value of my things. how do you go about it? do you put down the amount you spent on the item? wouldn't it have depreciated? or how can i put a value to certain items that don't really cost much, but has great intrinsic and sentimental value to me? 

and then you compare the values of different items. why does the value of my PSP equal that of my clothes and shoes? is it really necessary to have spent so much on clothes? is the PSP really essential? i doubt i'm replacing the PSP anyways.

so after eight days without a bath, seven of them spent freezing my a** off at night and baking myself brown in the day, having lost practically everything, the only thing i was looking forward to was the five cans of VB i was gonna get with my last fifteen bucks, once we got back. which, btw, never tasted so good.

lucky lucky, you're so lucky.

in every single way. but somehow i'm not very thankful. some people ask me is there anything i'm unhappy about. and there it dawns on me. it seems real hard for me to be happy. truly happy. i know, i get all positive and try to be enthusiastic(much to the irritation of those around me, at times). but deep down, it's still same old cynical, overly paranoid me. how then, to be truly happy?

at first glance, it seems okay to be like that. but then again, surely it's gonna be affecting the people around me, working with me, under my charge. am i a good influence? what sort of values am i imparting to those following me? that kind of shit plays around inside my mind. and it's not nice. then of course another part of me says, who gives a shit? you did your best at the time. well, i'm responsible nevertheless, how am i to answer for their outcome? the rats in my head need a drink from time to time.. to just chill, you know? i suppose some people just won't understand.

i'm not sure about my priorities, i've lost sight of where i'm meant to be... 

and guess what? in the midst of this rambling post, i think i've got it. or rather He has taught my heart to see. i have relied on my on strength. which obviously isn't enough. all that head knowledge, all that sunday school, BSF, and whatnot. how could i not see?

the joy of the Lord is my strength. 

not one which i'd look back on fondly.

pissed off a couple of people. made others worry, unnecessarily. 

the joke was on me i guess.

well, sorry people. you're real cool being understanding and all. 

And rest assured, it won't happen again.

jamming circa 170908

I is for incoherent

incoherent shouting. in army talk that means, 'f@#king'.. i'm sorry sir, i do not bend that way..

well anyways, according to 'higher authority' who are 'better qualified', i need to retake my Class 3.. imagine my delight.. 7-5 stay-out, lots of rest, and lots of driving. and even the prospect of being able to make it for mambo night.. too bad it was all just.. 'f@#king'. damn.

i mean after all we've done, sure, you might know that we're tired. but do you know HOW tired we are? now you try this 'f@#king' on me? nice. great way to win people over.

i'm sorry sir, i have no idea what you just said. were you trying to say something or was that just an outburst of anger?

i focused on the pain, the only thing that's real.

This Johnny Cash song is dope man!! (kudos to sunny for the intro) Although he(Johnny) didn't write it, his delivery is superb. And to think that he did this a couple of days before he passed away. Astounding, so coherent and clear, right to the end.

the needle tears a hole, that old familiar sting...

couldn't help humming to the song whilst letting some greenhorn poke me in the arm to 'practice' giving each other IV drips. It actually didn't hurt, just a sting really.. either i'm weird or i got a high threshold of pain. just like the other time i got stitches on me leg. didn't feel a thing.

Sunset Jams!

It took so much effort just to make it. But it was worth it. It was good to finally compete. Failed to qualify for the finals, placed fourth when only the top three get to progress, but yeah. It rocked. Later went to Glenda's party, really liked Joel's Captain Morgan. Think i'll get me a bottle. And of course a perfectly good day would not be complete without having to book in for more guard duty.

jungle hat!

dawn & dusk was really, literally, from dawn to dusk for 4 days with no rest between. the 'redland adventure' was most unforgettable.

just glad to be back with just aches and bruises.

when fantasy becomes reality..

it might not play out the way you wanted. going to start animating again. i have to. haven't been sketching or drawing in ages. but it'll be fun to see how everyone's been doing. maybe this company thing might actually take off... or maybe not.

i'm sick and tired of being the fireman. i want to be the arsonist.

a day at the (skate)park

my new baby!

i bought a new ukelele. the lady in the shop was quite amused that i could play the ukelele. is it really that amusing?
and then there was this catchy song by jason mraz. and next thing you knew it, i was recording it and boom!
it's on me blog. :P

dont' treat me like i have a diesease

i have no idea what it is. but i do know it's something to do with being a scout. seriously guys, stop insulting my intelligence, the only reason why i don't want to explain things to you is 'because i don't think you deserve to know. and i'm not about to blow my cover. haha. indeed, knowledge is power.

i don't have to prove anything.
you say we're f#%ked up? well, if you wanna play that way..

then your family's f#%ked up, 'cos you can't get your security clearance.

fix this!

my g4 is really pissing me off. it goes to sleep by itself. it's a miracle if i manage to get this out.

i brought my psp home. but i left the charger behind.

i gotta find some way to regain my fitness, due to a massive head cold, in time for next week's ippt which i have to get gold, 'cos if you don't you get treated like a second-class citizen. why? it just is that way.

bike? oh yeah.. it's doing great. so is the riding. didn't you see the picture on the left?

oh yes.. and i my ukelele is coming apart.
but not before i composed this:

please change your password

i tried the dumbest thing today. i hacked an email account. i think in my long list of 'dumbest things ever' this would rank in somewhere in the top five.

i hope you have all you dreamed of.
cos i don't. not all of it anyway.

when i grow up, i wanna be...

a private security contractor in iraq! yeah. hell yeah. i know, you think i'm crazy, but i think it's exactly my cup of tea. to date, i've found 2 such security contractors, but one hires only US citizens, whilst the other is kinda vague about the application requirements. but it looks like i need active military or SF(as in special forces) experience... which i don't have. dammit!

maybe i need to sign on.
hmmm.

let me tell you about a guy i know.

he's one mean, uncompromising bastard when it comes to work. but goes easy when it concerns himself. full of arrogance, when in an advantageous position. demands things that he himself finds hard to live up to. tries to please everyone although he preaches to others that you can't please everybody. for no apparent reason, goes off, at random, on trips to "ride", "dirt jump", and drink. and strangely enough, enjoys it, despite the falls, cuts, bruises, hangovers, and bust-ups. struggles to wake up every morning because his eyes are usually red and puffy, and nose is sniffly. Plus, despite looking like shit, gives shit to people because they are "not running in step" or ask why people are "too tired, cannot run in cadence is it?!!" pretends not to care when he does. wages war on his body, just 'cause he can. tries all sorts of crazy shit just 'cos it seems fun. occasionally fills up his waterbag with stella, tiger, or whatever 7-eleven has on offer. and despite being, obviously, messed up, acts like he's damn proud of it. oh yes, and even when backed up in a corner, threatened, and of course, when in the wrong, will not admit it, no matter what.

your love it keeps me warm, helps me through the storm.
keeps me safe from harm.

God's been good.

i've been bad. 2007 was a good year. i thought otherwise. but now i stand corrected.
thank you Lord.

happy new year all!