loose lips sink ships.

i'm getting to grips with what you said.. i refuse to be pacified by dumbass lame finger-pointing. i use finger-pointing and not 'excuses' here.. because that is precisely what it is. and as much as we'd like to make issues sound bigger than ourselves, it never is. making it bigger than yourself just helps you sell it better. end of the day.. deep in the heart of hearts, is a selfish, self serving agenda..... aand if it helps a couple more people along the way, just smile and give yourself a pat on the back... yep, it was for the greater good.

happy new year.

*hint *hint

*wink *wink.. get your own shit. man... i am sick and tired of having to legitimise things before going to confront the problem. why is there always a need to make one's cause legitimate before taking action? this is so typical. classic case of sour grapes and i have to start a CSI investigation? incredulous.

the trail is almost beyond repair. tried to fix things. but not as fantastic as before. should've known. felt the itch to go out and ride at 5 in the morning and there was no sleeping after that. and the reason why i look like a cooked lobster is evident in this picture taken by eric (another thing that is evident is that eric's shot framing and composition is mostly non-existent)...

*note the old faithful dorktag shirt and yes, the euro fat. hah.

your mouth writes cheques..

your ass can't cash.. some dudes reckoned that we should f#*k off back to China.. okaay. keep it cool, maybe we can walk away.. but then one of us suddenly became proud of his ancestry (or was spoiling for a fight) and i didn't get to finish my drink. 3 dudes not wanting to go back to china vs 4 punks.. and eye of the tiger was blasting in the background. truly cinematic.

i'm really grateful for ns and all that training. 'cos i didn't see no white supremacy. we binned all four of them. i kinda figured that the white trash would've felt at home with the rest of the trash. taking the trash out never felt so good. oh yeah.

cops? what about them? your parents pay taxes? well then there you go. they on our payroll. and when you're a visitor to someone's house, don't shit on their couch yeah?

so, after rubbish duty, i was still buzzin.. tried to make myself useful.. and rediscovered toto as well as the scorpions whilst re-writing a chapter for my dissertation. even went for prata.. the oyster omelette keeps evading me. i then proceeded to over-book myself for today.. and now i got multiple appointment clashes. if only there was a way to clone myself. i hate cancelling.

haven't slept a wink.. still buzzing. i'd like to think it's 'cos i'm still on GMT, hah.

maybe a good run will kill the buzz. then i'll oversleep and screw the rest of the appointments for the day. blatant disregard for others is sometimes quite refreshing.

when the roof caved in..

and the truth came out. well in reality, the roof never did cave in enough to bring about the changes so direly needed to effect lasting solutions. we just white-washed over the cracks. yeah i know you meant well. i didn't mean any harm either.... just thought that maybe, you'd look better with your two front teeth missing.

honest man. i thought i was all for the best. so here goes. hope you have steel-capped boots so no one's toes get stepped on.

i'm only here don't shout it (circa jan '09)

but sometimes i guess that's the only way to get things off your chest. i guess i hate failure so i quit when things are going great. perhaps that explains the shouting yeah. :P just remember,

you gotta read between the lines just in case you need it when you're older.

drop it like it's hot. (circa march '09)
and if them pigs try to get yer, park it like it's hot. to put things nicely, it's called retrograde. that is the problem. do you stay and fight, or live to fight another day? like hollywood so romantically puts it. it's the cowards that survive wars. them jokers who end up as heroes didn't do squat compared to those who died. it's just that the propaganda-media machine has to find someone which everyone can glorify and rally around. history is written by the victor.

7/10 (circa april '09)
focus and you experience unparalleled clarity. tuesday, 2/3 jose. wed, more drinks than i ever imagined. thurs, the remaining 'you can't get drunk on beer!', fri, 'you haven't come by, have a couple more, on the house..' interesting fact: the only psychedelic trips i had were with high fevers. no chemical assistance needed. SO YOU GONNA BAN FEVERS NOW?

guess this is where i'll have to stand (circa may '09)
i guess the trick is in liking what you've already got. so now i finally know where our motto was plagiarized from.. the legendary legionnaires. not the roman kind, the french ones. come on man.. we can do better right? or you know what.. i'll just join them. terms are better than serving your own country. how does that all add up? weird ain't it?

tell me baby. (circa june '09)
was the butter good? truth be told, it was really quite tame. like don't you need to work tomorrow? or like when this was popular, i was in primary school, and you were still drinking milk. think i'm done for good.

no title. just pure bitchin (circa july '09)

4 overseas exercises enought to rival a regular... flown in choppers more than some regulars will ever dream of....UH-1H once, AS332 twice, CH-46 once. what's the AS332? well, that's the SuperPuma.. how do i know that? oh yes, forgot to mention i'm the only joker to get 49/50 for the target recognition test :P whilst most people will undertake longwalk once in their entire lifetime, i walked it 3 times. and it's not because i sucked and had to recourse. and might i add, every time it was completed in under 30h, with all checkpoints found.

just let it be? (circa sept '09)
yeah. i'll let it be. call it cowardice, no balls, whatever. there's nothing to prove. go ahead. spread the word. there's a new coward in town.
hi. my name is andrew, i'm a tight-fisted, penny pinching cheapskate. the pain somehow outweighs the price. suddenly nothing seems worth the effort anymore. yeah i know, without hard work and dedication, things wouldn't be the way they are. screw that, what is so fantastic about the way things are?

so.. any swollen toes? hahah. i guess things are time sensitive. right now, no kick. indeed. history is written by the victor. there is no loser's side of the story.. 'cos it's written by the victor. All forms of media, by nature is biased and we will never know what really did go down.

like for instance, we all think that the Nazi concentration camps were closed down after WWII. wrong. most of these camps were in Soviet held territory. in fact, when the Germans surrendered, the Allies hadn't taken Berlin. The Soviets beat them to it. so what of the concentration camps? well Stalin thought it a great waste to close them down, and since he had a whole lot of his own dissidents, the camps stayed open and were filled with political opponents and dissidents. so the abuses, and gassing never stopped.

the implications are on everything we know and thought to be true. you can call it cynicism or unbelief. well then, who gave us free will? and who created us to have the ability to think critically?

who've you been riding in the hood with??

baby it's not what you think. say what?

a couple of drinks led to some things... uh-huh...

i'm not sure how to tell you this. wow.

this is bullshit man. think i'm done for good. i guess it's an 'easier said than done' kinda thing.

tarzan met jane one day

and jane met janet and moved away

and left tarzan with nobody, so he plays all day..

buy!

the brand new repackaged version of rent. it's all rent i swear. nothing we have is truly ours... because we never learned to buy. we buy to keep paying monthly charges...

hmm, sounds like.. rent! what to do? the whole island's one gigantic leasehold.

so yes, whatever you do, always keep enough money for yourself...

so you can die someplace warm.

tedo awas!

seriously. never knew sleeping could be so deadly. somehow messed my neck up real good whilst.. sleeping. wish i could say doing something extreme like dirt jumping. but nooo. sleeping did me in... i was incapacitated for 3 days. something was really outta place. and of all days it had to be on saturday, when the godfather is closed. so i 'endure' (lun) till sunday to join the rest of the freak show. neck's still kinda kinky.. sneezing is still really painful. reckon i'll have to work out the kinks before i fly off.. 'cos shitty joints suck in cold weather.

i'm guessing this episode is because of the lack of exercise. don't ask me since when i became such a health freak.. but i'm thinking it's the result of too many late nights typing dissertations, which, btw, is going painfully (more painful than the neck) slow. thinking of deserting the bloody thing and perhaps start on my SS. never was a good contextualiar... hah.

arghhh i wanna hit the bike trail!! bloody neck, and sch work.

esp when i get pics like these from last week. props to yuan shuai for the pics.

eat my shorts!

and after that i hope you choke on the bad stitch-work!

ok.. that was a bit harsh. i somehow have the tendency to bite the hand that feeds. anyways, what is up with all these hang-ups/complexes/bias/whateveryourmightcallit?

why is it that when it comes to technical stuff, only guys are taken seriously?

and when you wanna buy drinks, girls get priority? free entry? and then of course there's just the plain irrational, like girls can't drive. (i know some can't. but what about the rest?)

and who on earth decreed that it be set into stone that guys gotta open doors for girls? and what about the killing of bugs/lizards/gross stuff ? (i don't have a problem with that but there seem to be a glaring lack of explanation) how is it that guys by default got first dibs in stuff like that?

why is it that we never ask these kind of questions? instead we go for the 'intellectual stuff'

what hypothesis are you trying to prove? where is the innovation?

because somethings will never be made known, to protect idiots who go around blabbing their mouths off.

actually this.

actually that. add chilli and ketchup while you're at it. but all the condiments in the world can't mask the bad taste in your mouth when you realise the fact that we praise and adore someone who is a mass-murderer. or after mitigation (if there is need for it), abets others to do terrible, unspeakable things.

ohh.. it's judgement...

well then, are we supposed to feel glad for the judgement? and sleep better at night because the survivors/victims were judged? or are we supposed to help the survivors/victims? aren't we then working against the judgement? hmm..

you don't know what you're talking about.. there are certain things that are beyond us...

um. okaay. but i'm guessing that you know wth you're talking about.. and despite certain things being beyond us, it's not beyond you eh?

it's a matter of perceptive.. (at this point, i sought clarification "what kind of perspective? 2 point? 3?" just ignored me and continued) you're focusing too much on the bad. most people like you refuse to see the good.. wow.. like i didn't know that already. in case you forget, i study that. changing people's perception. providing the 'right' 'information', so that you make the 'right' 'decision'. which is making you do what i want, whilst making you think that you made the decision all by yourself. okay. don't you see how screwed up that is? the fact that you believe in perspective is deeply troubling. it's like trying to put God in a box. you can't. and then, naturally, the best is saved for last, 'cos when you run out of ammo you start throwing the rusty relics.

young man, you can't talk like that... or even better.

that's blasphemy!

funny how people, full of their 'beliefs' and fire in their bellies (maybe because of all the add chilli here and there), get mad when we talk about this kinda stuff. end of the day, don't addchilli, ask the man himself. and he don't need defending. that's for sure.

how is it that we never discuss these kind of things? why, too controversial? will it spoil your perspective? man. i really hope you wake up your idea. and then of course that brings me to my pet peeve with hope. don't get me wrong, i think hope is a beautiful thing.

a beautifully crippling notion.

contextuaLIES

first, we have to be objective. discussing the various issues, whilst maintaining our focus on the topic. then suddenly i'm, 'saying too much', 'need to contextualise..' of course! that's why i left out most of the good stuff. why? 'cos people need to realise that the benefits do not outweigh the COST. what kind of costs? the threat to the environment(okay so you're not a tree hugger), your health(okay, so you don't plan to live long anyway), then what about your LIFE? unless you're a suicide advocate, or just an ignorant fool, it would be plain irrational to ignore these issues.

contextualies? no way man.

i'm no contextualiar..

i only wanted to begin.

my mouth writes cheques that i can't cash. i'd like to call it multi-tasking.. but it's more like multi-procastinating.

i'm beginning to suspect that i'm not a digital native... or even a digital immigrant for that matter. reckon i'm waaay of Pensky's scale. i'm probably like one of those third-world agrophobes that use digital technology grudgingly.. whilst pinning the blame for every problem with the world on the 'godless technology'.

self-study has been great so far.. considering the amount of time spent studying and analysing myself(eg. in the previous para). however, studies wise.. no real headway. of course, according to the more 'serious folks' i should stop celebrating ill-discipline and laziness. well i'm sorry if i offended you by keeping it real instead of AB-ing (acting busy). of course we should encourage people to be industrious, but wouldn't it be much better if they worked smart? think of the time, energy and raw materials saved..

anyways with self-study week already more or less halfway through.. i have already learnt a couple of things:

1. gravel applied to muddy patches will dry it out(better than digging drainage) and make it very ride-able.

2. berms (of the earth, dirt, sand variety, not the kind you wear) become uneven and eroded because idiots who don't know how to rail them, lock their brakes instead.

3. if you think you're gonna crash. you probably won't 'cos you'll slow down. needless to say, everytime you crash, it's a surprise.

4. party like a rockstar don't work when you can't drink(made esp worse when it's right in the middle of octoberfest..)

5. there's a really affectionate ash-colored cat that lives around the block.

okaay! so nothing multimedia related, not a digital native, sometimes i wonder if i'm in the right course. think the both sides of my brain need to have a meeting.

skatepark tml anyone?? wahahahahah

run for the hills!

okay.. not running.. cycling for the hills. anyways.. it was great to start hitting some air. after that really awkward crash on hari raya. my front hub is f@*#ed up. not sure how much longer i can milk outta it. now i gotta start saving for a whole new wheelset.

more shit needed to buy more shit. expensive shit.

some things never die.

someone, somewhere [weasel words] once said.. the first step to realising your dreams is to wake up. i know.. somethings are just impractical. but ideas are bulletproof. it's time to take things to the next level. defending your ideas and preparing to counter-attack.

another interesting point: how to apply the concept of vertical envelopment to the situation?

of aspirations, dreams and revelation

this is the last straw. there's nothing left to beg for. sucks man. never thought of myself as kiasu. or disobedient for that matter. we're taught, love thy enemy. so i guess in my case, drink is the enemy. but now all that won't do.

Why does it all have to be just when i'm about to travel in europe.. where water is more expensive than beer... and then of course, what about the amsterdam plan? Then again, having a kiasu mentality, is not right either.. because, THERE IS NO CHOICE. this is hair tearing, head banging, balls to the walls, downright frustrating. i know i've been trying to live the healthy lifestyle.. but it seems like i'm far from it.

i'm beginning to sound like that robbie williams song.

oh lord, make me pure.. but not yet.

some things take your breath away..

and some take your breath away.... till you feel like you're suffocating.

lay down your arms give up the fight? funny how when the going gets tough the price of freedom suddenly becomes something you're not willing to pay.

i guess everybody has their scruples. but seriously. so much for integrity and sticking to what you believe. do you even know what you believe (believed?) in?

if you can't even fight for yourself, what good are you?

alright, okay!

i can't believe it took me so long to figure this one out. The solution to rehabilitating a sprained neck (don't ask how), is, wait for it........strength training! Finally got my lazy ass outta bed before noon ran a retardedly slow 1km and hit the gym. And the neck was as good as new! However, Operation Get Big is kinda failing due to lack of logistical support in the nutrition department, might just scupper it. Not financially possible, especially with all the things i need (or think i need, probably need) to buy! funny how problems always seem to show up at the same time.

this is not the life man. i get less than a recruit, but have to do more, while eating less. if debt is a curse then i have no idea what my deal is.

other than that, everything's peachy.

robbing the bank doesn't seem so far fetched now. the objectives are pretty clear, just gotta work on the end-game and the violence of action part.

live to die another day.

someone once said, 

the first step towards realising your dreams is to wake up first. 

which seems to be a problem 'cos i'm like on GMT, not GMT+7 which i'm supposed to be on. i spent 2 hours staring at the ceiling last night and then i beat my mac at expert level chess, killed badass terrorists on AA, and only then could i sleep at a very unhealthy 4am. sleep like a log until i wake up feeling like i've slept 2hours only to realise that it's 1pm!

that aside, i just can't seem to stop thinking of the damned thesis and the implications for my final project. i guess the reluctance to put anything to print is because i don't wanna confirm things now. and yes, i know we do our best in the given time, but sometimes you really wonder if there's more which you could've done.

which brings me to the sad state of spankie. i think i need to take the old girl out for a ride and wash(reckon i've forgotten how to bunny-hop), but the unhealthy sleeping pattern seems to keep tripping these plans up.

man i miss the army. life was simple. and yes, it pays well. now i'm like some broke loser. digging for coins here and there just to get in the gym, take public transport. if i cab, then my budget is f@#*ed. 

funny how defending the 'way of life' turns out to be easier than living that 'way of life'.

FINALLY!

ordied! orded! 24 days late!

and all i get for the past 2 years of service is a Certificate signed by Ah Choon, a Service Transcript and a testimonial by Ah Keong. The testimonial is so full of glowing praise, mum said she reckoned i could use it to apply for a scholarship as long as they do not consider my grades :P)

But the transcript was the most insightful and amusing. According to it, i'm a C grade specialist. and a second-grade one when it comes to my vocation. i guess mum was right, me and the grades never seem to agree. thank goodness grades do not always have the final say... 

it was good while it lasted i guess. God's been really good and it's amazing that my NS experience turned out so well. so good to a point where i actually contemplated extending service.

well i guess that's it for now. no more booking out... for now.

so when does reservist start? :P

i got christmas without the presents because..

i did not get all the autographs. the wise men followed a different star and did not turn up. the shepherd took overseas leave and his sheep can't seem to get their act together. and yes, the angels did come to herald the glorious event, but christmas without a certain pink colored gift is just not... christmas.

dislocated.

fourth finger.. ring finger.. or whatever it's called.. on my left hand. grazed shoulder and knee. how? observe the pic on the banner at the top of this page. same place.. same clothes (says a lot about my wardrobe) and almost same position, except i landed sideways... i have no idea why i didn't bail. maybe it was because i just drew blood for a blood test. or maybe it was because that the blood that they were drawing outta my veins was thick, dark and slow flowing... yikes. anyways i guess the thick and slow flowing properties made the blood clot almost immediately. popped the finger back in and that was the end of my skatepark session.

at least my face didn't come to any grief this time.

good help is just so hard to find..

these days. somehow, somewhere in the 'production line', something is missing. maybe they took out certain 'processes'. or maybe the QC department is sleeping. i don't mean to sound arrogant, but they just don't produce specs like us anymore.

how did the benchmark fall so far? yes, i'm talking about my replacements, understudies. is the interest lacking somewhere? maybe, suddenly the price of freedom became too costly? you can't own what you can't defend. get that into your self-centered, immature brains. sometimes the very people you lead should be leading you.

well yes, perhaps you guys got the shorter end of the stick. maybe you weren't taught certain things. well don't expect to be spoon fed. no one seems remotely interested in stepping up, to the benchmark left behind by the seniors. all i hear is lip service as you all sit your proud incompetent arses down in your comfort zone.

i suppose we as seniors could have done more in the handing over. but it takes two hands to clap. if you are going to just let the good work from the first year go down the drain, i can do nothing. it is now your business. if you can't do it for yourselves, then at least you owe it to the guys to step up and lead.

 

you are only as strong as your weakest link.

questions, so many questions..

chillout man.. ice it. sometimes there is only so much you can talk about. why are you doing this? why you so stupid volunteer this kind of thing? i guess some people get it, and those that don't sometimes feel threatened that maybe, they're not getting something. geez chill man, no need to get insecure about it. seriously. get your own shit.

how about, i find it meaningful and i enjoy doing it? how about, i'd rather be training my guys, instead of pounding the pavement, burning holes in the ground? how about volunteering so that others don't have to? i guess if you don't wanna learn certain things now,

it's gonna hurt a whole lot more when you learn it later.

who gives a shit.

when you feel your heart's guarded, and you see the break's started. when the clouds have all departed. you'll be right here with me. and i won't give a shit what anyone else says. 'cos you'll be right here wit me. read whatever you want. outside and inbetween, inside out and outside in. and i won't give a shit. cos you'll be right here wit me.

all i needed was  a  call from between first and amistad.

just a little late.

this is your wake up call.

can't bring myself to do the things that need to be done. in fact, i've been bumming around the house the whole day. even going down to francis' to get ol' spankie is such a challenge. even jose cuervo sitting in the freezer does not interest me.. 

i need a wake up call. now.

finally someone actually does converse with dresses!

absolutely love 1:08 to 1:46..

success is relative.

whoever controls the media, controls reality.. or so to speak.

swine flu, success vs failure, economy.. blah blah blah. each one of those is all relative. where does fact start and fantasy begin. staying positive is one thing. what about staying honest with oneself? a couple of people have told me, i should stop imagining things. well i'm sorry. i see what i see and i say it as it is. it's all fun and games because you people don't take things seriously.
some things can't be laughed off, don't give me that 打了就算了 crap. sometimes i really wonder if you guys really know what you're doing. the only way that you can go to your LSTs, KTV lounges and whatever it is that you guys enjoy doing, is dependent on how well we go about doing our jobs. because a bad day at the office could very possibly be your last day.. ever. don't tell me you'll do the right thing when the time comes.. if you don't do it now, you won't know how to do it when the 7.62 takes your buddy's head off.

and yet, there is reluctance to address the problem. stop kidding yourselves. after our first 'success in which we showed our fighting spirit', you would have to find at least another 200 boys willing to die for you. keep lying to yourselves and sooner or later the very people you need, start leaving. quite funny really. 3G my ass. you're losing the good ones and retaining the very people who are the problem.

and don't even get me started on my understudy. he's like a toddler. constantly blabbing and messing up, except for cute part which is lacking. the future looks just smashing. 

i don't usually do this, and i hate to admit it, but i'm jumping ship. 

我爱台妹!

there is weird and then there's weirder

but weirdest of all is these dreams i've been having of late.. maybe it's the meds, or maybe it's the flu. but still, freakin weird shit i've been dreaming about. and very realistic to boot.

okay, so weird dreaming aside, things are not looking too good. testimonials not done. 1 out of 2 applications done (the other application is to the place i really wanna go), i'm sick and i have to go overseas, which i originally was stoked about.. now semi-stoked. very nice. best part is, i'm not even worried. now that's weird.

do the helen keller!

volatilis, dolosus, mortifer

right now,  i'm Mr. Ten-weeks. and i'm still spouting this gung-ho shit. i think a part of me doesn't want this to end. most people just can't wait for their 'lives' to resume.. 

2 weeks then uni application closes.. then i fly to the land of betel nut girls and ninja vans. and then quite possibly after that i fly to the land of a thousand smiles.. starlight 2 and my third longwalk... then 2 weeks of civilian conversion, and then i'm out of job and dough.. 

right now, there's a 33.333% chance i'll extend my service for another 6 months. why? because i actually like what i do.. 

penultimatum

what exactly is a penultimatum? the penultimate ultimatum. this is the last time or else...

yeah. chew on that. 

with or without you.

peace out.

my throat feels like shit.

voice has gone AWOL. throat doesn't hurt, i just sound weird. maybe i've been shooting my mouth off too much. the loss or rather lack of voice is pretty irritating, especially when you want things done. but i guess you still get around. i'm beginning to find that there is more than one way to cook bad eggs.

it's been a terrible week of rushing to wait and waiting to rush. and everyone pretends it's okay. on paper, things look good. on the ground, murphy is having a field day... everyday. i think an explanation is long overdue... and stop blaming murphy. leadership is not about dominance, it's about solving other's problems dammit. 

attitude reflects leadership

my life would suck without you.

i know that i got issues, but you're pretty messed up too. either way i found out i'm nothing without you. nothing like a good ride to perk things up. even the worst rides put a smile on my face (or nice gashes.) dysfunctional? yes, very much so.

i'm back bitches!

i've enough of spur lines, ridge lines, ravines, river crossings and whatnot. my legs have clocked more than enough mileage. it's time for servicing. a bunch of us just realised that there's not much difference between us and the Ranger course. 1 month straight kenna weekend burn to chiong sua. plus it's not the normal kind of outfield stuff. really third-class special forces. special force kind of training, without the recognition. haha.

and then when it's all over, and it's time for review, some people just like pointing out the sawdust when there's a whole f@#king sawmill in their own prejudiced eyes. i guess it comes with the territory. true to our unofficial motto, only a scout would know, it really is a thankless job. i know they say it's up to you to change things, but sometimes the people who can make the change, are not willing to tackle the real problems. 

indeed, inaction is a cause of mass destruction

that sinking feeling.

you know, that good old feeling like the floor's dropped out from under you. that sickening sensation when you realize that things have gone wrong(aka finding out you're in trouble). man it really sucks. i guess no matter how old you get, some things just don't change.

anyways, sinking feelings aside. thanks to siao zheng zheng leong zheng. i now know i have about 36 hours left, before i leave for some awful place with no pork or alcohol. some place so steeped in animisim, it even affects the way you sleep. a place so rich yet undeveloped that their zoo only has a horse. i'm beginning to wonder how big the zoo is. and to top things off, think i got athlete's foot.. AGAIN! maybe too athletic. wahahhahaha.

hold your own

shit man. i always get a kick out of it when i login. wahahahahah. maybe i've really become a tool, 'cos i'm quite certain there's a way to change stuff, but i somehow can't figure out how. sometimes there are certain days where the grey matter between your ears lose their game, know what i mean? it's like you do really stupid stuff which you'd ordinarily not do, or do differently. but yeah. maybe it's just me. hah. so to hell with the rest of that shit and just remember, no matter what, you gotta hold your own.

go figure

circa'05

yikes, it has really been quite awhile. but yeah, finally getting this out. original composition, guess it's about time.

it's been a pimpin new year!

pimpling actually. but yeah. good to have at least a nice long weekend before the madness begins. not even sure when i'll be out next. trying not to think about it, just taking it step by step. only thing is i hope i don't miss out on the big picture.

the love show.

somebody's hurting letting it all in... but the truth is letting the love show. some things can't be changed. no matter how hard you try. it sux. but oh well. i guess it's a matter of time.

gone, going, gone everything.

hit the skatepark after dinner and just went crazy, especially with all the new stuff set up. it was a blast. then got stood up by sunny, so i decided to cruise around to all the old haunts and places where i used to mess around on me bike. and damn! they're all gone, or no longer playable, or someone else is already hanging out there.

never thought i'd be sentimental about this kinda thing

time and tide really waits for no man.

28 days and 4 months

man.. it's gonna be one loooooooong civilian conversion course. no matter how you look, it reeks of a bad deal. let's not even talk about the off days owed that will never be cleared. or the leave that will be given on days without my say. just look at the work schedule. 

First up, a very nice course they call ISPC. Actually, it's my guys who are on course, but somehow i end up doing most everything my guys do. Having passed the course myself, i still find that it does not count for much, especially with the high attrition nature of the course. i guess you can say that it's not one of the 'sure pass' kinda course, after all, we are training third-class special forces. Then, with whoever is still left with me, we're off to a land of sultans, oil, animism, seven knolls, rain at four, leeches and the beloved swamp walk. 

So after the 2 week jaunt in the woods, it's back to singapore. just in time for a nice thing called 'wait to rush, rush to wait'. okay, actually there's an official and much better sounding name, but if i don't think it's wise to let the whole world know. anyways, it just means that i can't book out.. for how long? nobody seems to know. very nice.

And then, after the confinement in the name of national security, it's off to the land of jay chou, betel nut girls and very efficient ninja vans. 'wah by then liddat, you can smell your ord loh!' unfortunately, my nose will be blocked by the grease of treachery and the fragrance of ord will be barely discernible. my understudy will still be training to be a third-class SF, so i can't hand over. but don't get me wrong, i love going outfield and doing the stuff that we do.. it's just that there's so much crap in the peripheral to contend with.

and then i have to contend with:

so, what are you doing after you ord?

i dunno man. but i agree with them beastie boys,

you gotta fight, for your right, to paartay!

why do you drink?

i looked for the answer, but it wasn't at the bottom of the bottle. hahah. seriously. i have to stop.
but you know....after a week of feeding mozzies, shooting at imaginary enemies, shouting yourself hoarse, whilst lugging up to 40kg of heavy shit around for a week, all i could think of was that ice cold whiskey coke. totally uncool.

it's true, AA is for quitters